Cat Joke Of The Month Sent by: B. G. from Midlothian, VA

Rules of Etiquette for the Inexperienced Cat.

1. If you have an upset stomach, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage this, find an expensive rug- shag is always a good choice.
2. Determine quickly which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap during the evening.
3. For sitting on laps and rubbing against legs always choose fabric colors that contrast with your fur.
4. Always accompany people to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything, just sit and stare.
5. Determine those who say they adore kitties then growl, hiss and give a quick nip to the ankle.
6. Do not allow closed doors in the home. Screech and Hammer at it with your forepaws until your human opens it. It is not necessary to use it- you can always change your mind.
7. If it is the outside door in question place yourself half in and half out and think about life's most meaningful questions. This is crucial during cold weather and storms.
8. As soon as your human cleans the floors be prepared to play in your food and splash water around.
9. Once the rugs have been straightened you may then sled across the floor on them- try to hit your food dishes if possible.
10. When your human is reading get in close under the chin, unless ofcourse you can lie on the book itself.
11. When your human is writing make sure and act playful by biting on the pen and "chasing" the writing.
12. If your human is doing homework make sure and sit on the paper being worked on. For extra excitement bat around the erasers, pens, etc.
13. Get plenty of sleep during the day so that you are fresh for playing between 3 and 5 a.m.
14. If you do decide to take a cat nap in the middle of the night, pick a spot close to your humans face-directly on it, if possible.
15. If your human starts acting too sweet... RUN! It can only mean they are going to cram you in a cage, put you in the engine of destruction, and then take you to see the bad man in the clinic.
16. Try to bring your human gifts daily. Leave in on the front step or even better bring it inside the house. When bringing snakes or birds inside make sure they are still alive; this will add to the appreciation of the gift.
17. Get on the desk and stand in front of the computer screen when your human is busy working. The end of the month is best when bills are paid.
18. Stand on top of the car when your human wants to use it. Run from side to side so you avoid being captured and placed in the house.